A Holiday Grab Bag for Short Attention Spans

This is one of those crazy times of year when everyone’s attention span is super-short. So, here — this is a collection of quick things you can look at on your phone while you hide in the pantry from your family. It’s like a grab bag of little gifts. Let’s shake it and see what falls out… [shake, shake, shake]… Everybody, take a present!

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First: If you’re the type who spends your vacation days sitting by a crackling fire reading a book while wrapped in a cozy cashmere blanket like you’re shooting a commercial for sanity (or if you need a last-minute gift idea), here are a handful of great reads from the past year.

2013 books

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Here’s a funny story for anyone who’s on their way to Anchorman 2 at the movies this week: Fictional news anchor Ron Burgundy just released an autobiography, and it’s dedicated to “my dear friend and lover,” Pulitzer Prize-winning historian Doris Kearns Goodwin, and her “enthusiasm for lovemaking.” Goodwin is a real person, obviously, and when she found out about the dedication, she had a great sense of humor about it. Fans of hers (or his) might enjoy item #2 in “5 Crazy Things Spotted in Nashville” — a column I’ve just started writing for 12th & Broad.

unlikely lovers Slide2

(There are 4 other crazy things in “5 Crazy Things,” too — including a giraffe wearing a turtleneck.)

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Let’s see… what else have I got for you… [shake shake shake]… How ‘bout some social media? Come say hello if you’re on Instagram. The Random Penguins finally have their own account. Here they are.


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Speaking of the penguins, I want to thank The Queen Latifah Show, where the birds have enjoyed a nice little run this fall. Here’s the final installment of the holiday series:


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By the way — while we’re talking about social media — are you on Pinterest? I tried it, but I’m going to be honest: I really don’t get it. What’s it for? (I saw someone at a party the other night, and they said, “Hey, I saw you’re on Pinterest,” and I said, “Yes, I am, but I don’t think I’m doing it right,” and they said, “Oh yeah, you’re definitely not.”) Anyway, these are my Pinterest boards: Holiday Glories, Tattoo Ideas, Things Dogs Would Never Do, and Things That Will Never Be In My Home: 


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That’s it for now. Merry merry and ho ho ho.


  1. I don’t know whether you’re doing Pinterest “correctly” or not, but you’re definitely doing it hilariously. I’m also not sure if that sentence is grammatically correct but I don’t care. Also your column over at 12th and Broad is awesome. The End.

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