Cork On a Fork

Before we jump into what’s to come, let me just point out that the past week has been kind of a blur. Work is busy, home is busy, wacky side projects are busy, friends and family are busy… That’s the context here: much wailing and gnashing of teeth over deadlines (fun ones, but still) and long lists of things to do.

Keep that in mind, OK? OK. Now keep reading.

* * *

So. The other day some friends were commenting on all the Elf on the Shelf nonsense — how you have to move the elf every night and there’s all that pressure to make the elf do creative things — and how some couple decided screw that, let’s invent a new thing, and came up with “Dinovember,” where you move toy dinosaurs all over your house or something.

According to the site, this is how you do Dinovember.
According to the site, this is how you do Dinovember.

It looks pretty funny, I guess, if you’re into that sort of thing. Which I’m not…

OR AM I?

It occurred to me that you could really take ANY object and pose it all over your house and make it a thing. Take, for example . . . a cork.

Naturally, since there were 7 billion other things I should have been doing, my brain decided to latch onto that concept and not let go. So without further ado, allow me to show you how I spent my time yesterday:

 ***

It started out pretty basic –

It started out pretty basic:  Cork on a fork!
Cork on a fork!

***

Then things got a little silly –

Cork loves a spork!
Cork with a spork.

***

Then it all just kind of got out of control –

Cork on pork!
Cork on pork.

***

Bjork the cork.
Bjork the cork.

***

This cork wanted some rainbow suspenders, like Mork.
This cork wanted some rainbow suspenders, like Mork.

***

This cork has torque.
This cork has torque!

***

Cork, the Duchess of York.
Cork, the Duchess of York.

***

This cork got a visit from the stork.
This cork got a visit from the stork.

***

This cork is off to New York!
This cork is off to New York!

***

Quit looking at your phone, cork, you dork.
Quit looking at your phone, cork, you dork.

***

OK. So remember what I said about being swamped? Right. But how did I choose to use my time for much of a morning this week?

This.
This.

I dressed a bunch of corks up in costumes. I threw those sonsofbitches a tiny little green picnic. And I photographed it.

We all cope in different ways.

* * * 

In other news: 

PatchettFunny thing: No matter the day, no matter how long it’s been since I’ve posted anything here, if I check the search stats, there are always several people who land here because they searched for some variation on “ann patchett dog essay.” It’s been that way ever since a year ago, when I posted an excerpt from her lovely piece in Vogue, “The Sense of An Ending.” Well, whoever you are, out there searching for it, you’ll be delighted to know that the piece is included in Patchett’s latest collection of nonfiction. This Is The Story Of a Happy Marriage is not, as the title might imply, just a book about marriage (although it does go there a few times). It’s a dazzling medley of her best short essays, speeches, and articles — so dazzling, in fact, that I think it would make the perfect gift for just about anybody. So I wrote about it for Book Riot, in “All-Purpose Gift Book.”

PS: In case you don’t believe me… Look — I just did a screen grab of yesterday’s search stats. (Hi there, person looking for “needle.” Also, person searching for “bruce springsteen dog names”? I love you.)

Screen Shot 2013-11-21 at 7.25.04 AM

50 comments

  1. Love it! Am really impressed with the array of cork accessories you had handy… I had to spend the worst hour of my life in Michael’s gathering things to do my Homeland handpuppets. IT WAS HORRIFIC.

  2. Watch out-you may have created another Penguin series! Very clever, by the way and just the sort of thing I do to procrastinate other than glueing myself to a book that I “can”t put down. Be sure to see Frozen-the music is wonderful according to Forbes and will bring Disney back to life!

  3. What a riot! You have the same “gift” I have! It takes a special person to devote so much time and effort to avoid doing something you really should be doing! I applaud you! (not to mention how much I love you!)

    I want a cork now. I wonder what I could do with a beer bottle cap?,,,

  4. You know…you could totally pull off an Adventures with Cork Rhymes calendar. You only need two more pictures. And rhymes. Perhaps the past tense of “twerk” is “twork”?

    I’m glad you’re using your time well. And when I say that, I really mean: I’m glad you’re blowing off all your responsibilities in order to entertain the internet. I was very entertained so it was totally worth your effort.

  5. I’m officially declaring this the best thing on the Internet. And because I have zero pull, clout, or bitcoin rating (whatever the hell that is), don’t get too excited. But among me and my eccentric group of friends with excellent tastes in humor: THE BEST THING ON THE INTERNET.

  6. So, I am right this very moment wasting time instead of doing the 14 million things I’ve committed to doing by yesterday and imagine my delight in choosing to click and open this post instead of turning off the computer like I meant to do!
    Cork on a Fork is perhaps the best use of time there is. Brilliant coping strategy. Thank you for sharing it and enabling me.

  7. I’m starting Ann P’s book as we speak. Love the cork and fork thing. The only thing I do when I am busy and stressed is shop online. #Expensive. #Stupid. You = genius.

  8. This was so funny!! Way more creative than the Elf! I saw an Elf on the Shelf calendar in my FB feed the other day, and it made me oh so tired. I’ve been avoiding buying one each Christmas since my daughter was born.

  9. Wasted time?! No way! On the contrary, time well used!!! You made a bunch of people laugh (which is never a waste) and turned a wasted CORK into a “versatile object” to waste time with, not to mention the fact that he was probably very happy to have another purpose than sitting on the top of a bottle. Mission double accomplished! No… make it triple. Brilliant post! The most fun I had today….actually the whole month, so I say hurray to Corkvember:))) Thanks for making me laugh, again and again!

  10. […] creative (unlike my friend ML from I Miss You When I Blink, who did this series of images about the Cork on a Fork. Or my friend Nicole from Ninja Mom who did a piece on a Pop Culture Elf on the Shelf.) I am […]

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