Hey Matt Damon, You’re Matt Damon

What do you do when you see a celebrity?

Do you run up and smash your cheek up to theirs and hold out your phone with one arm and take a close-range photo that makes you look like you have six chins and makes the celebrity look like they’ve just had a vision of how they will die?

Or do you play it cool and make a paper airplane out of your business card and fly it into their mouth?

I’m having fun discussing celebrity sightings in an essay over on Loop today. Here’s a little excerpt:


…I have never actually run into Matt Damon, but I have already planned how it will go one day when I do. 

The scene: Matt Damon walks up to the bar, across from where I’m enjoying a beer and eating wasabi-covered peanuts and telling jokes that make everyone around me so glad they come to this bar.

What could happen: I walk over to Matt Damon, take his glasses off his face, and trace the bridge of his nose with my index finger while mouthing the names of our future children . . . 

Click over to Loop to find out what happens next between Matt Damon and me. Rrrrrowr, chicka-chicka. (No, just kidding. It’s not like that. Matt Damon and I have more of an emotional connection. Philosophical, really. Or intellectual, even.) While you’re there, check out the hilarious essays by all the other writers — you’ll love ’em. Many thanks to Loop for having me on!

Matt Damon approves this story. Probably.


  1. I tend to make a complete dork out of myself and they think I’m some kind of freakish stalker. Favorite line: …take his glasses off his face, and trace the bridge of his nose with my index finger while mouthing the names of our future children . . . You are a riot.

  2. My fantasy involves Johnny Depp. What would probably happen is that I would wet my pants, trip over my own two feet, slam into him, causing him to spill his drink on my head as I hit the floor. I can’t get over that enough to even fantasize… I would be a total dork.

  3. this is hilarious, you sound like what my friend wishes she would behave like – she had a similar celeb-spotting experience and instead of playing it cool, acting all suave and sophisticated… she screamed, bolted from the shop and didn’t stop til she reached the corner of the next block XD look forward to more from you 🙂

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