A Funeral for Will Gardner

March 27, 2014 § 29 Comments

OK, first: Are you fucking kidding me?

Along with many fellow fans of The Good Wife, I am currently in a state of shock. Like, time is moving really slowly right now, and I can’t feel my face, and all I can hear is this buzzing sound, and there’s blackness seeping in at the edges of my vision.

I no longer remember the moment it happened, because I think my mind has blocked it out in sort of a self-preservation way. I do remember thinking that if I’d had some donuts, that might have helped. That’s nonsense, obviously — donuts can’t change anything — but who can explain the strange thoughts that pop into our heads in traumatic moments? Realistically, even if I’d had donuts, I’d probably have been so angry that I’d have thrown my donuts, and they’d have hit the wall and then landed on the floor, which is always covered in dog hair, and then I’d just have been sitting on the ground, sobbing, holding hairy donuts and screaming out to God for answers.

I keep wondering, Could I have stopped this from happening? What if I hadn’t watched this week? Would it still have happened? I know that’s magical thinking, but the brain goes through some pretty desperate acrobatics in search of stable footing in times like these.

Anyway. I have a lot of shit to get done today, and I can’t keep wailing and gnashing teeth. I need closure. So for everyone else in the same situation, I invite you to join me for –

A FUNERAL FOR WILL GARDNER

First, we’re going to gather in an elevator together to swap fond memories of Will. Memories like these:

Then, probably at least one of us, maybe more, will have to go outside and yell and punch a door. This is OK. Don’t hold it in. Does anyone need to vomit? That is also OK. Sometimes the body reacts to tragedy with attempts at physical rejection of the upsetting news.

There will be a service. Someone in fancy garb will say something in an attempt to soothe our souls. We won’t remember.

After that, we’ll gather ’round for more stories and memories. Even the ones that are tough to revisit.

Then we’re going to have funeral snacks. Spicy crackers and deviled eggs, that sort of thing.

Someone will tell more stories:

At this point, more than a few of us will be drunk. This is excusable. Where I come from, the greatest liquor expenses of one’s life are weddings and funerals. Go ahead and drown your sorrows for a little while. That’s right, here — have another. You want to what? Take off your Spanx and throw them in the kitchen trash? That’s fine. You get comfortable, honey. It’s OK.

As the evening winds down, we’ll re-live just a few more moments from the past:

Then it will be time to go. We’re all going to do our best Alicia Florrick one-manicured-middle-fingered-hair-tuck-behind-the-ear, put our shoulders back, and wipe the mascara from under our eyes. We’ll take a deep breath, get up, smooth our tasteful and expensive outfit, and start walking. Because now we must move on.

Amen, dammit.

 

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§ 29 Responses to A Funeral for Will Gardner

  • Kate Hopper says:

    I needed this. I couldn’t sleep Sunday night, and, after finally drifting off, woke Monday morning with a start. How could this have happened?

  • AmyVansant says:

    I was really upset about Will getting killed off so unceremoniously… until I just found out it means I get deviled eggs. I’m cool with it now. Throw in some noodle salad and you can kill Alicia too.

  • Karen says:

    Thanks for this! I, too, was stunned and VERY disappointed!!! The show thrives on the tension/sexual chemistry with Alicia. I don’t see how the show will retain it’s heat and my interest without Will. First, I was angry at the producers. Then I relied on Google to satisfy my wonderings. Alas, it was Josh’s idea to leave the show! Josh, how could you abandon your fans like that? You want to be master of your own life? Well, all the best then. When is the elevator funeral? I can bring the deviled eggs.

  • outlawmama says:

    I daon’t watch this show, but now i want to. Really badly.

  • sadinmiami says:

    Now I don’t want to be Alicia anymore….

  • brissioni says:

    I know, how could he leave us?

  • seriously! what the damnit?!! crap!

  • Shaughne says:

    i think most fans wanted will to want/ hate them as much as he wanted/ hated alicia. it was so hot and naughty. i don’t even know if i can watch the show anymore. it’s a sad day.

  • BananaWheels says:

    I don’t watch it, but my mother does, and she texted me on Monday in an obvious state of depression ‘about Will Gardner’s death.’ I had no clue what the hell she was talking about. I’m sending this to her so she feels like someone else can sympathize better than I did. As I said to her – I’m sorry for your loss.

  • […] I take this time to review my progress on resolutions taken on 1st Jan. In most of the cases I had given up but this year I came across a book, which gave a nice method of dividing the resolutions to different quarters of the year instead of taking them all at once. Well I did that and took just 2 resolutions in the first quarter. Well I have not been able to complete both but I have been able to pursue them which is still better than the previous years. One of my last year’s resolution was to blog. Well I have been able to blog at regular intervals, thanks to <a href="”>articles on pursuing blogs and the funny stories. […]

  • Honestly, I thought this was the best “death of a main character” I had ever witnessed on a TV series for exactly the reaction you described. It was so real – that is how sudden death actually feels. Like you can’t believe this actually happened and all the normal rules of time and conventional human interaction must have been suspended in response.
    Anyhow, blessings to you in your grieving process. May we all be as self- possessed as Alicia in our efforts to move on…

  • Glittermoon says:

    Well, gosh, I’m glad that the WordPress folks featured you today ’cause now I know I am not the only nut job out there who was not only stunned into a state of shock and disbelief but had NIGHTMARES (yep, real ones). Geeesh. By the way, I make some mean deviled eggs so let me know when the party is, ok?

  • oh… love. I haven’t watched The Good Wife for a few seasons now but I love it. Sad news for The Good Wife, but here’s to more good drama. Thanks for going down memory road. =0)

  • I wish I’d known about your blog on that fateful Sunday evening. It would have been of great comfort to know someone else who understood my grief. Also, I would’ve brought the donuts.

  • Narayne says:

    I followed all the stages of grief over this “death” and found myself incredibly shocked at how upset I was over it. I awoke the first night, several times, to have Will’s death be my first waking thought. And I had trouble sleeping for at least 3-4 nights — tossing and turning and wishing it weren’t so — the same as one does with the loss of someone they know and love. Kudos to the writers, producers, actors for making this such a believable loss by keeping it under wraps and doing it mid-season with absolutely no inkling of it. So sad to see Will go — loved the chemistry between him and Alicia — but I feel the show will go one and do quite well. Best TV show in recent years, in my opinion.

  • I need 4 Will 2 have a funeral I was in pain when he past. I need closure,

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