6 Little-Known Uses For a Small Bra

December 11, 2013 § 46 Comments

So last night, while failing to go to bed early, I happened upon the Victoria’s Secret fashion show on TV. I just caught the end, but from what I could tell, it was basically a bunch of buttcheeks dressed like snowflakes having a holiday parade. Pretty festive, I guess.


As a feminist, I think I’m supposed to be offended by that show, but honestly, I don’t really care. My only beef with Victoria’s Secret is that they don’t carry bras that suit me. Whoever designs their Dream Angel Super Uplift Fantasy Titcatchers seems to think that anyone under a C cup wants their bra to come pre-stuffed with a fistful of padding in each side. Maybe I’m in the mini-boobed minority, but I really don’t like my bras to have a bunch of stuff in them. *I’m* supposed to be the stuff in them.

So I buy my lingerie elsewhere. Sure, the good stuff is expensive, but I’d rather have one fabulous, artfully constructed little glory than three cheap ones that look like flotation devices. Besides, if you really get creative and efficient about it, you can get your money’s worth by using a fancy little bra for many purposes. For example:

* * *

  1. Dish For Small Snacks

It works nicely on a table if you lay the bra cups-up, so it serves as two little bowls. Or if you are having a more upscale gathering, hang it from the chandelier and fill one side with sparkling mints and the other with silver m&ms.

* * * 

2. Cap for Baby on Chilly Days


Works best with twins or friends who like to sit side-by-side.

* * *

3. Eye Patch For Your Pet


Just tuck the other cup up into the hat. Simple.

* * *

4. Slingshot


Look out, Goliath. The high-quality elastic in the straps adds an extra-long slinging distance to any standard weapon.

* * * 

5. Bedside Catch-all


Oops. Got in bed with your jewelry on again? Just drop those little things in these two adorable containers on your bedside table and drift off to dreamland.

* * * 

6. Backpack for Oft-Used Items


Keep the things you need handy! Simply put your arms into the straps backwards, and you’ve got a darling little 90s-era mini-backpack for all your must-haves. You could also fashion this around your waist as a fanny pack or over just one side as a little shoulder bag.

Then, if you divide the cost of the bra by the number of times and ways you use it, it’s practically free.

That’s economics.

(PS: Credit must be given to the lovely Nancy at Midlife MixTape for first coming up with the idea of using a boob-device as a snack dish. We’re going to go lingerie shopping together.)

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