The Incognito Olinguito: 6 Very Stupid Jokes
August 16, 2013 § 9 Comments
Science nerds, this is your moment.
According to Smithsonian’s announcement yesterday, there’s a newly discovered mammal species that’s been walking around on Earth for quite some time: the olinguito. That’s right, the animal’s not new. Just newly discovered. It’s been here all this time, right under our noses. Probably sitting at a café in broad daylight, sipping cappuccino like Bruce Wayne, while everyone just walks on by, paying no attention to the superhero among them.
What a badass.
Time for some olinguito jokes:
Q: Why did the olinguito cross the road?
A: To slice your face off with those freaky-ass knife hands of his, that’s why.
A friend of my cousin’s girlfriend woke up once in a hotel bathtub full of ice. Rumor is, a mobster stole her kidneys.
Nope. It was an olinguito.
A cat and a teddy bear walk into a bar…
9 months later this thing is born. Then it goes and sets fire to the bar, makes five slash marks across the face of each witness, tells them, “Never speak of this,” and walks off into the woods. That was 50 years ago.
Olinguito is illegal in West Virginia.
In Kentucky, however, you can perform olinguito on your own cousin.
One time, an olinguito went to a birthday party, and instead of whacking the piñata with a stick…
He just gave it a high-five and all the candy fell out.
Chips with cheese are called Nachos. Chips with cheese and chicken and salsa are called Nachos Supreme. Chips with cheese and chicken and salsa and guac and teeny-tiny knives are called…