Four Ways To Stop Mean People by Creeping Them Out
September 25, 2012 § 254 Comments
Let’s tackle an issue everyone has to deal with sometime: Jerks.
Whether it’s the guy at work who lords his higher spot on the totem pole over everyone else, or the girl who gossips loudly about other people, or perhaps the meat-head who makes fun of a shy person with a lisp. Assholes are out there. And they always will be.
It’s best to be prepared.
I don’t like confrontation, so believe you me, I’m not recommending we get up in the face of every jackass who says or does something mean. In fact, the key to these moves isn’t direct conflict at all. It’s all about understatement. The idea here is to throw the person psychologically off balance with weird, quiet, out-of-context reactions to their bad behavior. Even better, do it in front of a crowd, just to make the meanie extra uncomfortable.
* * *
1. Shhh…
I just love this one. It’s great for when the person is blithering on arrogantly about their super-high standardized test scores or their naturally smooth hair or their golf prowess or whatever.
And it’s easy: As the person is droning on about who-cares-what, just gaze into their eyes and mash your finger against their lips and whisper, “shhhhhhhh.”
But not in a “shut up” way. In a “please, my dear, say no more, for I can hear the words of your heart even when your lips are not moving,” way.
(“But that reaction makes no sense,” you might say. Yes. That’s the point. Assholes don’t like it when they try to goad people into one reaction but get another.)
Shhhh… Say no more. Your words enter my spirit through the air without sound.
* * *
2. One Slow Tear
This is another good one for when you’re held hostage by an endless rant.
It’s NOT full-on crying you’re going for here. No quivering lip, no sobs, no sound. In fact, no facial expression at all. Make your face completely blank. You’re a statue, devoid of feeling… THEN! Conjure one single tear and let it spill out of your unblinking eye and roll down your face. Even the most self-absorbed snotmonkey cannot help but be put off guard by your show of strangely emotionless emotion in response to his monologue on why he hates waiters who touch his plate.
This move is absolutely creeptastic, but it does take a lot of facial control. I recommend practicing it in the mirror every morning. You never know when you’ll need it.
Remember the Crying Indian? Pretend you’re him and someone just told you about litter. Channel stone-faced, contained non-rage.
* * *
3. The Unrelated Question
This is best for when the mean person has just delivered what they believe to be a real zinger. Right when they’re basking in the afterglow of their one-liner and they’re waiting for everyone to high-five them for their cleverness – that’s your moment. Just wait a beat or two, blink a few times, and then pose a total non-sequitur, like this:
“I can’t help but wonder… Are the invisible eyeballs of our ancestors watching us from the clouds?”
Think Amanda Seyfried’s character in Mean Girls and how she threw everyone off balance with her spacey questions.
* * *
4. Unexpected Affection
I’ll give you a money-back guarantee on this one. When it comes to taking the wind out of some bastard’s sails, this does not fail. Now, it could get you punched. But everything comes with risks.
The best way to time it is to wait until the person says something completely snide and awful to or about someone. The kind of thing that should make everyone around them haul off and slap them across the mouth, but never does, because people like this seem to have a force-field of compliance around them.
You go in for a hug.
I recommend leaning in for an extra-long moment of uncomfortable bonding. Again, it’s dissonance we’re after here. That person is trying to get a rise out of everyone by acting like a prick. Instead, you’re going to be a freaky, huggy love monster.
Then just step back and maybe stir your drink and start whistling. Look up like nothing just happened. If they start up again, just hug again. Hug and hug and hug.
Hug thine enemy.
Good luck.
* * *
UPDATE: Greetings to new friends who are here from WordPress! It’s an honor to be featured on Freshly Pressed, and I’m delighted to make your acquaintance. Won’t you stick around? Stop by the main page of I Miss You When I Blink, where you can see the latest post (sneak preview: it features pigs, bullfighters, and naked forest parties!). You can also subscribe by email, join the fun on Facebook & Twitter, and check out some more reader favorites. Thank you!
Oh these made me laugh. I think I like the ‘Shhh’ best because chances are I’m too angry to squeeze out a tear or touch them. I think we need a ‘Shhhh’ for FB. Can I get a button for that please???
We TOTALLY need that button on Facebook!
I totally second this hahahaah! I love this post by the way. LOL To funny, but real.
grt idea for a ‘shshss’ button
hahahaha! yes!!
Let’s do it. Let’s petition facebook for a “shh” button!
I second that!
agreed!
I’ll petition Facebook for a shhhh button as well! What a great idea! And a great post as well! Thanks for the great ideas!
i like the ssshhhh one, and sudden expression of affection.. that will shut any chuntering asshole up!!! thanks for blogging.
I love this post. So, so very much. Thank you, and I aim to try these.
I’m so glad! #2 is definitely the hardest to master, but the rest are super-easy. Good luck! And thanks for reading.
I have dealt with a lot of mean people in my job and my favourite way to deal with them is to be super nice, to the point that I feel sick, but I know that the sarcasm has got to them and they can’t complain about me because I was only being nice…Hug thine enemy with empty words
It also works to just grasp one of their hands in both of yours. Again, you could get slapped. But it really ups the creepy-love factor, and meanies hate creepy-love. Good luck!
That might be a meanie and non-meanie unifier: everybody hates creepy love, except creeps, who are too timid to take stands so instead, they go passive-aggressive creepster. A bit more pathological maybe, and yet, still mean.
Your examples of the “meanness” are shallow – giving examples of someone else’s stature or hair qualities just reflects bitter on you. It’s not even giving a good taste of one’s own medicine. If you ever want to take stands for yourself, you must be very particular to have affect.
In a few years, if you apply your kids to Woodward, you will learn another method – make sure your interview (parents are part of the interview) is with Rusty. He is great – he gives amazing perspective on your child, and excellent life advice for you and your child. My favorite part of the interview – the tips he gives your child on dealing with the meanies in life. I would say it is a blend of 1 and 3.
Awesome! Thanks.
Love it! I’ve gotta try these!
Thanks! Be bold. Be weird. Be ready to run.
I second that!
I think because of having been hazed in college, I have an abnormal amount of patience with assholes. I pretty much give a blank stare and say “ok…” That doesn’t teach them a lesson though, does it? Maybe it behooves me to try some of these techniques.
Blank stares work great with all these methods — good start!
We also enjoy pointing and laughing hysterically at someone who is having a temper tantrum. This is especially wonderful when someone is yelling at you in traffic for a delay that is out of your control. They may or may not have an aneurysm as a result forcing an ambulance through the stopped traffic. Creating EVEN MORE of a traffic jam. Which will teach them not to get so angry about things that are out of their control and blame them on you.
My spouse has mastered number three, which also works on anybody who is on the verge of a conniption fit. The trick seems to be randomness— much harder than it looks, IMO.
My goal is number four. I once worked for the master of number four. But—here’s the kicker—she was actually just that nice. She nice-d people into being nice. Her nice was so powerful it was a verb. It was amazing to see.
Thank you for writing this hilarious, pitch-perfect essay Ms. Blink! You’ve just made me ridiculously happy!
I think the hugging one is my favorite. I was raised in a non-hugging home, and I’m still a pretty awkward hugger. (Are you supposed to lean to the left or the right?!?) I think the awkwardness would only give it extra creepiness. Awesome blog as always. ((hugs))
Thank you, thank you, friends! And many [non-creepy] hugs to you.
Not believable. Once you go creep, you really can’t go back.
Blank stare and blinking a couple times works for me sometimes I think it helps that my normal blank face is naturally kind of mean looking. I’m pretty shy and quiet too but when someone personally attacks me or someone I know I’ll move past the slyly creeping out stage and go straight to baring my teeth… not literally.. okay well maybe sometimes but mostly death glares and sharp words( not always recommended in all situations though)
I need to definitely try these methods more often seeing as I live in a city where assholes seem to pop out of the cracks in the sidewalks!
Too funny — I think the hug and the Shhh ones are my faves!
this was fucking awesome.
Park of me wanted to chuckle, but there is definitely a ring of truth in it. I do think the hugging one would be awkward in some work situations, particularly if there is already tension in the relationship.
Shanan
http://littletimeformom.blogspot.com/
Nobody wants random hugs at work. And it makes you more of the bleery-eyed rude guy that everyone whispers about.
Thank you! Yes, in fact, the awkwardness is key. The awkwarder (?), the better.
Thanks for reading!
I have trouble with subtly so I may have to stick to just calling them a jerk.
That’s it. I’m hugging my neighbor with the Romney signs.
Lean in. Breathe heavy.
Excellent!
Hug the enemy! Yes!
I love your list and would add “Ouch.” I never think to use it! Usually I am so dumbfounded and my mind is racing to understand what provoked the jerk into speaking to me that way!
Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed!
Thanks! Good addition, too.
Good tactics. Excellent, even.
For no 3, My favourite is: Do Geiger counters enjoy their work?
For everything else, I just use a pointy stick.
Although not as good as your suggestions, I also like to use this one: pause, stare quizzically, tilt head, say resignedly, “I guess I just don’t fit in here,” walk away.
This is definitely one of the more exciting posts. It relates to EVERYONE! Thanks for sharing!
I can happily say I’ve done all of these, especially the 1st.
I’m SO going in for a hug the next time I encounter a total asshole. Talk about unsettling!
I LOVE this post — thank you for the incredible ideas. It seems a meet a jackass almost daily these days, so I have a feeling these suggestions will come in handy.
Yes — Alas, the jackasses don’t seem to be decreasing in number… Thank you for reading!
I once got in a tight spot in an alley with a woman in a BMW and me in my Fiat going in opposite directions. She wouldn’t give a cm and I didn’t give a flying….When she wound down the window to call me naughty names I leaned out of my window, put my thumbs in my ears and my tongue out flapping gargling and chortling like some giant five year old. It was really satisfying. Sadly though she turned up in the front row of a public speech I had to give the next week and it completely threw me…I forgot what I had to say as her powers of hate mesmerised me!
Oh, everyone’s stories are cracking me up! What a riot. Thank you for reading and for these hysterical comments! -ML
Don’t forget another classic: leaning forward, sniffing their neck, and letting out a loooong exhale.
bahahaaa very nice
Ha! That is beyond creepy. Good one.
OMG! This is so awesome! Now I can’t wait to meet a jerk! I really need to try it
This is great advice. I like the spacey questions one. It sends a loud message.
I’ve always gone for sarkasm that comes off as sincerity…
but the weird-factor is great, I shall try this the next time I meet a mean member of our species.
Hilarious! I’ll definitely keep these in mind, as jerks are like ninjas and I somehow never see them coming.
Like ninjas, indeed. Well put. Thank you for reading!
Brilliantly written, hahah!
Thanks!
When dealing with certain a**hats, I usually just raise my eyebrows a bit and give an awkward smile. I know better now. Best advice I’ve heard in a long time – thanks! I don’t think I could pull off #2, but I know some excellent candidates to try #1, 3 and 4 on.
I like leaning in real close and just being silent. And staring at them. Freaks them out so bad!
Loving these suggestions!
Oh my so many spectacular moments in this post. Thank you for starting off my day with this. Emotionless emotion. Love it!!! I think the hug made me laugh so hard I scared my dog.
Thank you! I’m loving all the suggestions in the comments, too. Cracking me up. I’m glad you stopped by! Hope the doggie is OK.
Wow! This sounds like the clamshell placebo
Oh my gosh this was awesome. I think the hug and then whistle one is my fave. Just not sure if I could keep a straight face.
Definitely takes practice.
Thanks for reading!
Yes!
According to Warren Buffett, Of the billionaires I have known, money just brings out the basic traits in them. If they were jerks before they had money, they are simply jerks with a billion dollars. Would you agree?
This is great! Laughing at them whilst they’re being mean to you is also a good one. They will always stop and ask ‘what’s so funny?’ to which you respond ‘nevermind’ and carry on! They won’t understand what’s going on, it’ll more than likely creep ‘em out and thus should stop them in their tracks!
Beat those bullies!
I am going to be a completely literal prick here and spoil everyone’s fun, but you have to be VERY careful with #1. This could be construed as battery, which is defined legally as unwanted touching. If someone is a big enough asshole to need shutting up, they may be a big enough asshole to call you out on the battery thing.
Love your writing, love this article. Love the story about your son who wrote the poem “I miss you when I blink” precious!! Adorable, made my day!!!
Thank you so much! That made *my* day!
I was once told that the phrase, “Thanks for that.” is a sentence which the human mind is incapable of processing. It therefore silences most people.
Then I tried it and it worked too well. The person has still not forgiven me.
That is BRILLIANT. Add it to the list. Excellent tactic!
Fuck yeah!
But I don’t plan on hugging anyone that nasty.
“I can’t help but wonder… Are the invisible eyeballs of our ancestors watching us from the clouds?” So good.
I’m gonna try #4 today
Go forth. Be brave.
This is pure gold lol, very clever! I’ve done the hug one before and the person was so worked up that I got shoved away, but I kept smiling and going back in for it so it actually made it all the more uncomfortably funny
.
I literally can’t wait to try out the Shhh…!
Number 3 is something I managed to do it several times back at Law School, usually to rescue my friends from a total douche or dickheads with self-glowted moments of academic enlightment. The jerk would look at me giving time for my friends start time for other subjects or a run away excuse. Will practice on that second one… I don’t show emotions already, so that creep tear thing should be useful in any situation for me. Cheers.
All good…I like the Hug…not sure how some of these would go down at work though would be funny to try….
Excellent suggestions, and great article. I definitely laughed aloud at several of these… Double points for referencing Dumb and Dumber!
Congrats, Miss Blink! I am so happy for you! This accolade is *so* well deserved!
You are too sweet — thank you!
Honestly, I really thought it was a matter of time before you had a Freshly Pressed moment. Have fun! : )
It’s my pleasure! Have fun this week!
H.I.L.A.R.I.O.U.S I LOVE this post! Will be sharing it on FB and Twitter
Oh, I love that. Thanks!
Haha, loved all of these, especially the unrelated question!
I would like to add giving the crazy eyes and a creepy, huge smile, followed by “that’s awesome!” There is no way for that not to be awkward. Those who know you will get it and, with enough repetition, the jerk will try to avoid you at all costs.
Oh, that’s fantastic. Crazy eyes and “that’s awesome!” — brilliant. Thank you; I’m adding that to my arsenal.
Yes!
#3 is fantastically effective. It also works well against people who are yammering on about something nobody else listening cares about, such as how My Little Pony is really an intelligent show made for adults and how deep the characters are (I’ve been subjected to this kind of talk, yes.)
Admittedly, doing this puts you into grey-area jerk territory, since the person you’re shutting down wasn’t exactly being a jerk but just talking about something he has an interest in but you don’t. Better to be straightforward in such cases.
I’m going to have to try the spacey question.
Great post. I just hope the assholes aren’t reading this.
Congrats on the Freshly Pressed
Good point, Lonnie. If they are reading this… well, we’re in trouble.
Thanks for stopping by!
LOL Oh man, this must be one of the best things I’ve ever read on WordPress. Very funny but, useful at the same time.
Thanks for the many laughs out loud that this brought to my day; and congratulations on being Freshly Pressed : )
Thank you!
These are really great. I am so glad you got freshly pressed.
So kind — thank you!
Congrats on the FP! I love the idea of shushing someone. I often do that to my boyfriend to be funny…but I will now entertain the thought of doing that to assholes on the street.
Yay! Be careful — and ready to run.
Haha … this is cool. And by the looks of it, it probably works great as well! Thanks for the education
This is hilarious!
Congrats on being “freshly pressed”
I heard a story of when Jim Carrey was being hounded by the paparazzi, he got out and gave all the photographers a really long hug, until they got so awkward they went away. I think it was him. It sounds like the sort of thing he’d do. Anyway, I just love the idea of that
Congrats on Freshly Pressed!
Reblogged this on The Best Life and commented:
I was SO SO SO busy at work today that I didn’t have time to write an entry, so instead I bring you this BRILLIANT gem that I read this afternoon.
Now come here, you…let’s HUG!
I LOVE this entry. You’re the first entry that I’ve ever reblogged!
I’ll start stalking you immediately. In a very Canadian, non-threatening way.
Oh, wow. I’ve never had a Canadian stalker. This sounds very civilized and worldly. Thank you!
Don’t worry – you’ll always know I’m around when you smell maple syrup. Just watch out for flying hockey pucks…
this is great and something I will add to my arsenal
I like to do the 50 yard stare just beyond their right ear. They start feeling unsettled like someone is coming up behind them…with a bat. Very funny post.
Oh, that’s good!
These are so great… I use the shhhh one every chance I get. I do believe I shall start using the emotionless tear one very soon! Thanks for the tips!
Congratulations on being FP! I LOVE the ‘forcefield of compliance’. It’s so true!
Thanks so much!
This is hilarious i love this made me laugh so hard XD
Um, I am definitely interested in alternate responses to bullies. They are definitely in order, yet the tear is practically impossible and iffy in terms of lessening gossip about oneself; the question is worse for the same reason; and touching people in the ways you suggest could be considered actionable forms of assault — especially in the workplace. Better to creep people out verbally and let the air out of their tires with innocuous statements (or Miss Manners-type rejoinders) about the bully’s intent that leave the speaker smelling like a rose.
If this is a purely humorous post and not a real tutorial, then I beg your pardon.
I love the affection one….(but what if you’re a guy and your ‘enemy’ is a guy too) doesnt it just make things awkward
This is amazing. I am at work and laughing so hard I am tearing up. I am just trying to do it all silently. I like the idea of being a freaky, huggy love monster.
Thank you! I just hope you don’t actually have to use any of these tactics at work. If you do… shhhhhh.
The single tear is my favourite by far. Unfortunately, it’s also something I’m currently unable to do, so I’ll have to work at it.
I use both the nonsense method and the super kind-with-rude-people one. They both work beautifully, even if most people think I am really weird
#4 totally makes me think of Groundhog Day when Phil goes in for the hug with Ned the Head. Awesome.
Mostly I stick with #3. It rarely fails.
Reblogged this on The thoughts of Craig A. Simons and commented:
I just might try a couple of these!
It’s so rare that random strangers on the internet make me laugh out lough (I’m a curmudgeon). Thank you!!
Me, too! Glad to get a laugh out of you. Thanks for reading.
I just give them a blank look when I can be bothered to.
This cracked me up! I’m totally going to try these… Thanks for a good laugh!
Reblogged this on thejennyjacobs and commented:
Hilarious!
What a day… sitting back with a glass of wine and just giggling like crazy at this commentary. Y’all are cracking me up. You people are as nutty as delicious fruitcakes — and these are PRICELESS comments. Thank you, thank you, thank you for reading and sharing! I’m so glad you found your way here, and I hope you’ll stay awhile! Can’t wait to click around and check out some of your blogs, too. Thanks!
So so funny. I had a friend who once calmly said to a screaming boss, “Mike, have you had your medication?” or you can start repeating whatever they said, really quickly, in almost a whisper. Then pretend you aren’t doing it.
I find that, in addition to the hug, when you’re in nice and close, it helps if you whisper in their ear, ‘it’s okay. it’s okay. I understand,’ as you begin rubbing their back. You might find a crier, but that’s what it’s about – best to attack the roots fuelling the bully, after all.
Thank you for the morning chortle! And yep, I know I’m welcome!
Oh, that’s a nice addition. Thank you!
Love it! I am so hoping to utilize one of these – and soon.
Wonderfully witty and humorous!
Adieu, scribbler
I’m pretty sure that the awkward hug works with everyone. (Please see the voldemort-draco embrace in Harry Potter 7 Part 2)
This was hilarious! Excellent advice
I once asked an asshole (who was in full asshole venting at the time), “Why do you bob your head side to side when you’re shrieking at me?” It stopped her absolutely cold.
I so needed this after today, thanks for the post. I would try “the shh” but I’m not sure I can pull it off without getting decked in the face. #3, the unrelated question is always a great one though, and I notice it gets used a lot with executive power games (although not so Amanda Seifried). It’s basically a way of marginalizing what the other person said by suggesting you weren’t listening.
Brilliant post!
Becca
Thanks!
I hope you don’t get decked in the face. I would feel horrible about that.
I’m OK, I’m sure the swelling will go down soon.
You know how you just posted something on your blog and are so stoked because you thought it was sooo clever. Then you go to Freshly Pressed and read a post that’s wayyy more clever than yours. Yeah, that was just me.
I wonder how good at the single tear I’d be. I think I would laugh and blow it!
My youngest brother has the hugging thing down pat. He’s 12 now, but he’s always used hugs as a tactic to shut down anyone who is being unpleasant to him. If you try to tickle him, he hugs you. if you try to yell at him or scold him, he hugs you. And then he goes for jugular by saying “I love you so much!” I mean, really… what are you supposed to do with that? It works every time.
Oh, he sounds absolutely delightful. I like his style!
Loved your post!
This was awesome! And the “shh” is probably better than “shut the hell up!”
What you say silently inside your head after the initial “sh” sound is certainly up to you.
Thanks for reading!
You could always pull a 1+4, you know the “Shhhh baby, everything will be okay soon” hug.
Oh, a combo! Mixing and matching! I like how you roll.
I really enjoyed this and congrats on being Freshly Pressed! I really can’t stand jerks who are jerks for no reason so when someone is being snarky to me I get a bit confrontational and say something like “How did you even get in here? I thought this was supposed to be for intellectuals only?” I can’t help but have the last word.
Bwhahah–love the shhhhhh and the hug
Lol.. The tear one made me lol.. I truly loved ur post..
And u know wat people cal the hug one here in india??? JADDU KI JHAPPI meaning MAGIC HUG
its actually from a bollywood movie Munna Bhai M.B.B.S
Oh, thank you! What a great term. Next time I have to pull a #4, I’ll precede it with, “Movin’ in for a MAGIC HUG!” Love that. Thanks for teaching me something new!
hahaha! I like #3 the best; I use it all the time. will be trying #1 & 4 though. #2 is too hard for me to pull off. xD
Halleluyaaaaa… you give me healthy laughters!
o my gosh this was so awesome! I didnt expect something so funny… i loved them all especially number 3
Loved this. Instant fan. Thank you so much!
You made me laugh today!
So glad — thank you!
Slowly building the courage to try these out. Oh yeahhh time to hug the heck out of everyone I hate. Great post!
Reblogged this on Jay .
Since I am the emo one, I would like to use ‘single tear’.
Very good — way to choose the tactic that fits your style!
nice one!!!! this is quite interesting!!!
)
Reblogged this on theW0RLDgoesR0UND.
…A soft answer turneth away wrath …. I think I could do the shhh and the totally unrelated question. Would have to work on the implied affection ones. I am not good at faking feelings. But then again, feelings sometimes follow actions and I may get more tenderhearted with practice.
Congratulations on being freshly pressed.
Reblogged this on by Sheryl and commented:
Love this! For my fellow weirdos out there, you might want to check this out.
We all wonder how to deal with the “jack ass” and we all look like the insane one when we react to their nonsense. This is such a great post. It should be a book.
You folks are just as twisted as I am, and I love it. Your suggestions are great. Thank you for reading and sharing, and thank you for these hilarious comments! -ML
I’m going to try the “shhh” approach the next time a sub-editor pisses me off. If that doesn’t work, I’m either going to use unexpected affection or a fast-moving fire extinguisher.
Thanks for sharing these handy tips and congratulations on being Freshly Pressed.
I love going in for the hug – it sure makes them totally uncomfortable! Such a great post!!
I thoroughly enjoyed this! I think I’ve been particularly prone to using “the unrelated question,” as I often find it’s all I can do to stop myself being rude to these people. I don’t know whether I’d have the gall (or the skill) to try the others…
Lol- this was hilarious. Love it. Congrats on being freshly pressed!
Reblogged this on This is Omar. and commented:
Funny read, with some interesting pointers. check it out.
Hahahaha, this is awesome! I hope to one day write as well as you!
|I will definitely try these soon! And congratulations on being freshly pressed! 
Oh, you’re too sweet. Thank you so much! I’m glad you stopped by.
Fantastic advice. Truly can’t wait to apply this to real life! lol
When it doubt, hug it out!
You know dassright!
Love the absolute sarcasm haha
Fabulous strategies. I’m going home to practice my leaky tear (singular) and ambush hugging. Congrats on the FP!
Cheers,
iRuniBreathe
Thanks! I like your blog name. Personally, iRuniPassout.
Reblogged this on The Stoic Squirm and commented:
Oh lord XD This is too hilarious
Im not too sure about the crying…lol, but the hugging is definitely a must
Brilliant! I’ve already shared with half my office, and we’re all onboard to “I can’t help but wonder… Are the invisible eyeballs of our ancestors watching us from the clouds?” the sh*t out of our office drone(r).
That absolutely delights me. I can’t wait to hear how that turns out!
Not to burst your bubble… That jerk in Talladega Nights kisses Will in that scene, it’s much more than a hug, and it would probably get you in a heap more trouble too
Absolutely hilarious. Love these tips
this is awesome, i for some reason now wish that the opportunity would come along so I can try it out!
Reblogged this on karikruger13 and commented:
Ah came across this blog while doing research for a project on abuse… I Somehow wish I too had an opportunity to try these steps one day! They seem fun
LOL! I will definitely try these out. I love the Unrelated Question. Will have to come up with a few. Everybody knows someone like this. Congrats on FP. You are on the brink of becoming an advice column!
Thanks a million!
Trivia alert – the bottom figure of the totem pole is the most important.
Reblogged this on Milkshake and commented:
Ah came across this blog while doing research for a project on abuse… I Somehow wish I too had an opportunity to try these steps one day! They seem fun
These are absolutely priceless, love the creepy hug factor, great idea, will definitely try that out.
A sudden burst of enthusiastic agreement can also knock them out of their stride.
True — very good point. Thanks!
hahaha… cute!!… i love the tear drop one…how so ridiculous… i think i d love to try these out because yes jerks r out there all the time, one shud really take control of the situation and make it horror for them… haha… will give u feedback
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Made me chuckle a bit
Hilarious! I could have used this just recently. But now I know. Thank you!
Great Post – Especially like: 3. The Unrelated Question
One I will probably use
This made my day! Thank you very much!
Have you ever seen Jenna Marbles on YouTube? She has 2 videos on how to make annoying people go away. This post reminded me of it. The first is a crazy face you have to make until the person goes away. the other video mentions techniques such as acting like an animal. Perhaps some of those may work as well?
Reblogged this on Jim's Sims 3 Stories and commented:
This is effing hilarious.
This is so awesome! I think I shall start practicing my “one slow tear” in the mirror tonight.
I can’t help but laugh… I can relate to this… it is happening right at our gym … tons of mean people and gossipers.
LOL
Reblogged this on Voiceswriter and commented:
There should be an internet version of this because the meanest losers on earth hide behind the anonymity of the internet.
I couldn’t possibly hug my horrid husband (who i am trying to divorce)but I think I could just about bear to touch him with the ‘shhhh’ . You have also made me laugh, well played.
Awesome
I just imagined randomly squeezing out one slow tear when some bragging jackass was upto his business. I burst out laughing instead. Maybe I’ll try the hug one.
For the record, have you ever gone ahead and done one of these? Or are they theories that you want to test?
My mother can attest: I’ve been doing the one-slow-tear since childhood.
Cool. Do lemme know if you’ve ever managed to pull one off on a professor at school, you know, like when they’re asking you a particularly jackass thing from God knows where.
brilliant post!
haaha “sshh” method or ” the unrelated question” me likey! Ill keep that in mind
AWESOME!!!Going to try some out TO-DAy!!!:)
YES! Mean Girls is Educational!
Reblogged this on bandcmckinstry and commented:
totally funny
hahaha……Nice way of becoming a silent killer for these kind of people.
I would like you to check my blog also…….
Thanks for the laugh and for brightening my dreary Thursday morning.
“But not in a “shut up” way. In a “please, my dear, say no more, for I can hear the words of your heart even when your lips are not moving,” way.
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xD You my friend, are epic.
Why, thank you!
Love it! A worthy FP if ever I read one! You know your post’s good when the comments are hilarious!
Seriously — the comments are killing me dead. These folks are hysterical!
Thought this was great
deinately trying it out sometime 
Classic – enjoyed it with a smirk
So funny. Now that I’m older, I am moving out of the compliant surrounder syndrome. Maybe I will work on becoming a freaky, huggy love monster.
I let the other person speak, sometimes later they get bored, as there is no change in my behaviour or expression, no reactions, therefore they don’t find any interest.
To counter i just smile or laugh gently.
That was excellent – the hug is by far my favourite. Mind I still automatically go for the ask and unrelated question response, never fails.
One of the things I do in my home-based business is marketing and I deal with a ton of librarians that fit the snooty/uptight/stick up her ass stereotype. I just act overly sweet and equally as high and mighty, but in my best most positive tone, and make sure I say “And have a beautiful day!” when I hang up the phone. Who cares what they think, I hang the phone up with a smile on my face!
This just made my day!
I just stare them right in the eye and make a blowjob motion with my hands and mouth. They usually stop bothering me after that.
Hahaha Love the unexpected affection, although results are quite unpredictable and may vary depending on the hugger and hug-ee.
Nice blog!
This is a really great post, I hate jerks – I always want to tell them off, but that just gets me all annoyed which isn’t really great for anyone. Thanks for sharing this, it’s refreshing – reblogged to http://www.ecomom22.com
Reblogged this on ecomom22.
Hilarious! I have to do the SHHHHH one all the time at work. I think the best response to that was: “that’s a strange laugh” ……geez…. 2 weeks later, he may get the picture.
Beyond hilarious and completely useful, I tried the hug, I don’t think that idiot is EVER going to attempt another conversation with me!
I need to memorize this list! Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed!
Thank you so much!
#4 is my favorite. It’s going to be my new go-to! Great read!
Reblogged this on Psychology, spirituality and mental health and commented:
In case you missed this on Freshly Pressed…hilarious ways to stop jerks in their tracks…
This was fantastic, thank you
Jerks, better watch out. Lloyd got new skills now.
Great post, I love it.
I like the one where you hug the person!! Genious
lol this is so funny! Thanks for the laugh!
I already do most of these.
Love the first one! Can’t wait to try it on the next annoying twat I meet.
Brilliant! I shall be applying these very soon I’m sure – I think I may be using the Shhh technique most often along with running aaway screaming like a loony bin.
oh mygod the creeptastic emotionless emotion tear is hilarious! i might try that haha
really nice
made me laugh alone.
I should try a couple of these when I’m faced with a grumpy doctor while I’m on duty, hahaha. Although answering with a non-related question may get me transferred to the psych dept, for admission… I enjoyed this so much!
Great! I wish I’d have read this years ago so I couldn’t have used some of these in the hair salon
Brilliant!
Reblogged this on Ze Blog of Reblogs and commented:
Gotta try these… XD
Another effective question to ask, “What color is the sky in your world?”