Seeing the Signs: Beach Wisdom, Rewritten
August 9, 2012 §
Fellow writers will understand what I’m talking about when I say the compulsion to edit is something that starts early and never goes away.
Did you sit at the breakfast table as a child, shoveling Cheerios into your face while staring at the cereal box and rewording that blurb about whole grain goodness to fix a split infinitive? Did you watch My Little Pony commercials and rewrite them in your head to convey more compellingly the true awesomeness of My Little Ponies? Then you know: you can’t help it. It happens all the time, anytime you look at something with words on it.
It even happens on vacation.
There’s a phrase: “to blow sunshine up one’s ass.” It means to throw around ostensibly positive but actually meaningless phrases in order to instill a sense of optimism. I learned it from Top Gun.
Now there’s a fact you can use.
Well, it’s mi casa while I’m renting it. But then it’s pretty much back to being su casa.
Let’s get straight to the point.
Three L words: that’s always deep.
Remember: People you don’t know have lounged on that sofa.
Las Vegas: “Bitch, please.”
Get a room.
(except that friends don’t rot and turn into sand when you forget them at the bottom of your suitcase over the winter)
Let’s get real with this simile.
“Welcome Aboard,” says the object designed to be thrown to you when you drown.
Think about it.